Encouraging Your Husband: The Call of a Supportive Wife
Prasha Maharjan
I have heard time and time again that not everyone is born a leader. That is somewhat true when a person refuses to use their given skill or talent. I have also been mistaken largely when people said leaders are ones who only lead and don’t do the work. I did not consider myself a leader who only directs, primarily because I was always engaged in doing and demonstrating through my actions. I learned the true meaning of ‘leader’ while interning at my church and speaking on ‘Hospitality in the Church.’
I knew Jesus had a lot to say about leadership, just as so many others know, yet I dared to emphasize the same fact: to lead, you first have to be a servant. All his life, Jesus served, and even until his death, he was eventually serving humanity. I dwelt on things that my pastor and so-called church leaders were doing; all of them were mainly serving. Thus, I concluded that if I want to be a leader, I first have to serve. I can only be a leader if I have followers. And how can I lead if followers are not imitating me? How can I have followers if I am not modeling? When Jesus led the disciples, he was in fact modeling with a mission in his mind. If my pastor and church leaders are leading, they are actually modeling so their church members may imitate them. However, being in such a position can be challenging! A leader has thousands of eyes looking at him, so to mess up means you might derail those thousand eyes.
As for me, if I were ever to be a leader, I would want to ensure that I know what I am doing. Ultimately, my aspiration is to become a marriage counselor. As a newlywed, this goal looks like an ambitious desire. But ever since I became a Christian and was under mature/married Christian women’s discipleship and later mentoring, I saw one thing in common among them. All of them had an honorable married life. Their wisdom and counsel were genuine because their most important relationship as wives was centered on God; therefore, their advice was stable and healthy.
My mission in life is that married women would desire to uphold a God-centered and honorable marriage. Many values in Nepali culture derive from Hinduism. The women consider their husbands gods and worship them. We can see some biblical parallels in this practice. As Christians, we must honor our husbands as the head of the family, just as Christ is the head of the church. However, our culture severely distorts this picture. Our culture oppresses women and crushes the joy of marriage. Yet I remain optimistic that this important familial relationship can be redeemed in our culture.
‘Show and Tell’ is my preferred phrase, which I believe exemplifies the standard a leader should embody. As a leader, I want you to know that I am a person of integrity and character. My co-workers will be the first to call out any signs of hypocrisy. What I model is what I can be demanding of. I can only set a good example by demanding integrity if I demonstrate it myself. Secondly, my hypocrisy will also defeat the purposes of my counseling.
As a wife of a missionary or a church leader, the onus is greater on wives to be of noble character. One of the major reasons for the closure of churches has been a lack of character in leaders. “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones,” says King Solomon in his Proverbs. But I also understand that this nobility does not simply come from my efforts but from dependence upon God and His Word. Thus, being a genuine student of the Bible and follower of Christ is another characteristic of a leader.
I also cannot be a Mrs. Know-it-all. Leaders are also called to be perceptive and keen listeners. I should be as perspicuous as I can be when it comes to setting my goals, but I also should not ignore flexibility. Effective leaders revise their goals as work progresses and as more input comes from people they work with. A proud leader is hardly the kind of person people would like to follow.
Ultimately, I aspire to engage in three distinct leadership streams in the future, all of which are interconnected. I want to be involved in marriage counseling inside and outside of church. Secondly, in the stream of discipleship, I want to guide new and growing Christian ladies in their new journey. Thirdly, as a wife, I want to be a praying wife and encourage other wives whose husbands are in ministry to support and pray for their husbands’ work. I have seen ministries crumble due to zero or minimum support from a spouse. The greatest desire of my heart is that I can motivate women to pray for their husbands and their ministry.
