Sexuality in the Book of Proverbs

Solomon, being a wise king and the author-cum-collector of the proverbs from the ancient world of the Near East, reveals the lasciviousness and filthy trail of fornication of the human heart and counteracts the evil and the sensual passions in the book of Proverbs. In this didactic teaching, along with admonition, the father has to say something about sexual immorality, which is grafted into the human heart because of sinfulness. The references to the retributive punishment for sensual passion and lust significantly enhance his presentation.

Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man's wife?
Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?
For your ways are in full view of the LORD,
and he examines all your paths. (Proverbs 5:15-21 TNIV)

The teacher uses highly metaphorical expressions such as “cistern,” “well,” “fountain,” and “springs of water” to refer to the wife. The erotic language is used to teach his pupil about the legitimate sexual relationship to keep him from possible temptation. He is, in fact, engaging his pupil in the concept of conjugal love by incorporating contextual settings and imagery into his teaching. Just as we drink to quench our thirst, so we satisfy our parched and unfulfilled love within the limits of marital sex. The teaching is shifting from an invitation to participate in the blissful marital love to the strict warning of the forthcoming consequences of premarital sex or illicit relationships with a man or a woman.

“Drink water from your own cistern” is a clear depiction of the covenant relationship in the marriage. Let a man be delighted in his wife alone and be fulfilled and satisfied. Since God designed the holy marital relationship, and he himself is involved in it, it must be pure and holy. “Running water from your own well” possibly could be the connotation for pure and clean water. The running water of the well is considered pure. He is expected to drink from that source. The idea here of selecting words like “cistern” and “well” is to communicate to readers that these are someone’s private property. Hebraic Jews know these wholeheartedly.

Drinking water from others’ cisterns or wells is the direct violation of the Ten Commandments of God, “You shall not commit adultery” [1]. In a Jewish context, stealing water from someone’s well is considered a social crime and will be subjected to the court, so a man who has a sexual relationship with a woman other than his wife has committed a crime.

On the other hand, the negative parallel—“Stealing water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!”—tries to put backlash into the learning process of a young neophyte [2]. A fallen creature always tends to make a wrong choice without any justifiable reason. Stealing is another straight defiance of the Ten Commandments, “You shall not steal” [3]. The stealing game possibly could be a fun game to those whose morality has been capsized, but there is not even a narrow escape from the effect of this very cause, for a prostitute or any other woman besides his wife is a deep pit [4]. It brings only shame in his life and puts him into disgrace and out of mercy. The teacher also confirms this statement by stating that his shame will never be wiped away. The traitorous woman and the man will never be left without any punishment from the betrayed husband. His burning fury and jealousy will not calm down, nor will he be satisfied without them being punished [5]. This illustration points toward capital punishment in the Hebrew culture. Keeping the effect in mind, we can understand how grave a sin it is.

The succeeding verses use the figurative language “springs” and “streams of water” as the imagery of children and the legitimate marriage relationship. Aben Ezra and the majority of modern commentators (Schultens, Doderlein, Holden, Muenscher, Noyes, Wardlaw, etc.) interpret “your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares” as “Let thy marriage be blessed with many children, who may go forth abroad for the public good” [6]. However, this interpretation appears vague and incomplete, as early church fathers like Origen and Clement of Alexandria use the negation “not” before the verb, stating, “Let not thy water…” in their interpretations [7]. In the harmony with previous verses, the springs are meant to be the legitimate children from the legitimate sexual relationship between couples.

Emphatically, the following verse is suggesting the couple be satisfied with each other in their companionship. “Let them be yours alone” is the implication of their sexual relationship and the reproduction of children from their intercourse. For “God designed marriage and sanctified it, and only within this covenant relationship can we find real love and fulfillment” [8]. Offspring from that lawful relationship are more satisfied than those from an illegitimate child.

“May your fountain be blessed” is only possible when both man and woman submit to each other. If they let the temptation entice them to seek happiness and joy elsewhere than in their partners, one cannot “rejoice in the wife of your youth.” To be blessed, the husband should be loving, behave toward his wife in a respectful manner, and treat her as delicately as a doe does. She is the wife of his youth, so do adorn and nurture her with undivided love. She should be the “object of his love and devotion, the one in whom his affections are to find the fulfillment of their desires” [9]. Her love may captivate him away from all distractions in the world.

The further expression is exotic and is full of sexual pleasure in their marriage. The metaphor of getting satisfaction from her breast represents the wife’s influence to attract her husband. So, the husband will not fall into temptation to find excitement and pleasure somewhere else. When marriage becomes dull and dry, one cannot attain real love and fulfillment of one’s desires. God has given sex as one of the greatest gifts in our lives. Enjoy it within the marital sphere. We should not waste God’s best gift in an illusion to find a better life elsewhere [10]. Just as a baby is satisfied with his mother’s breast, so should you be satisfied with your wife.

The next verses, from 20 through 21 are synthetic propositions. The teaching changes its tone and proposes that no evil can be concealed from the sight of the Lord. There is no way to shun the judgment of God.

God created humans as sexual beings. He made it holy with a purpose for his glory. In the Garden of Eden, he blessed our first parents and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number” [11]. Adam “knew” Eve, and they had their first baby. Therefore, the purpose of “knowing,” or engaging in the bounds of legitimate sex, is for reproduction. It is a gift from God.

Contrarily, sex can be a curse, and it makes us feel guilty and brings shame upon us. When we breach the moral and spiritual boundary that God has set before us, it has something to do with law. The violation of the eternal law, “You shall not commit adultery” [12], is to put yourself in eternal judgment. A cause without an effect is an invalid and erroneous statement, and this universal law applies to all causes. As a man cannot walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched, no man can escape from the retributive punishment of God after committing adultery [13]. Prophets Jeremiah and Ezekiel proclaim the parallel message to Israel that God’s unmitigated wrath and judgment upon them are inevitable for their sexual immorality and wickedness [14]. Prophets throughout the Old Testament have addressed this issue.

Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount also addresses the sexual immorality issue. He speaks explicitly that one who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery [15]. The Apostle Paul emphasizes the same issue in his Epistle to the Corinthians, stating, “Flee from sexual immorality.” All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”[16] He goes on to say that God wants to sanctify us, and we should avoid sexual immorality.[17] He has to say a lot more about sex, marriage, and family to the Corinthians, and he instructs the believers not to deprive their spouses of sexual pleasure. Otherwise, they might fall into sexual immorality.

Above all these explorations, the startling fact that Paul reveals is that our body is not our own. It does not belong to us.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body [18].

The preceding verses from Paul have already made clear that sexual sin is committed within one’s body, which defiles not only his body but also the temple of the Holy Spirit. Sinful actions are incompatible with God’s holiness and will always result in punishment. Neither Sodom nor Gomorrah was forgiven for their lust and abominations. They submitted themselves to “sexual immorality and perversion.” They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire [19]. To ignite God’s wrath is to bring ruin on oneself.

We do not see anyone in the Bible who committed adultery who has not gone through the divine retribution of God. “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral…and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”[20] Neither King David nor Solomon was exempted from punishment for their sexual sins. God forgave King David for his genuine repentance, yet the end product of mischievous acts with Bathsheba and her husband cost him a dysfunctional family and division in his house and kingdom of Israel. The eternal establishment of King David’s dynasty does not overshadow the corollary he had to bear in his lifetime.

The overall teaching of the Proverbs is to heed the wisdom of God and to be in a relationship with him. Wisdom is the treasure from God for his people to know Him and act accordingly for his glory. Ecclesiastes advises us to remember our Creator God in our youth before troubles hit us, or our lives will be in extreme turmoil caused by being apart from the relationship with God and his people [21]. Thus, wisdom sheds light on our path to keep us from folly and also invites us to come back to God before it becomes too late to realize it.

By and large, the teaching of the Proverbs is very practical and verily undeniable. They are applicable in each one of our lives—every individual and professional cannot overlook the necessity of wisdom in his/her life. A man can be intelligent but not wise enough to make wise decisions. The book of Proverbs is what seems to be a curriculum of obtaining wisdom for all generations. The book has religious, social, and ethical implications in our lives.

God’s grand plan for marriage is to have one man and one woman for a lifetime. The grandeur of marriage is in the faithful relationship with God and with each other. Knowing this very truth, many people have abandoned their wives and stepped into new relationships with the hope that their new relationships will be sustained and blissful forever. In reality, it does not happen, and instead of a bed of roses, they slip into the thorns of bushes. Why is there this much dullness and boredom in their relationship?

It is because they want to taste water from others’ wells and cisterns. They appear to have no strong interest in pursuing lifelong relationships with a single woman. They want to savor every drop of nectar from each blossoming flower, just like a bee extracts nectar from beautiful blossoms. They break up with their family, society, and friends and end up with miserable resentment at the end of their lives.

Sex is such a powerful drive that it can manipulate a man as it wants. There are many celebrities out there who claim to be Christians. They do not lack money, skill, personality, etc. The world supposedly spins around them because of charismatic personalities. However, they lack one very fundamental component in their lives—the fear of the Lord. We have not forgotten the shocking news about the former President of America and the Hollywood stars, including Christian ministers, who were cheating on their spouses. Therefore, the implication of their unfaithfulness and disloyalty is very understandable: sexual sin has no mercy upon anyone. Sexual sin does not consider a person’s position in the world. The improper handling of sex can be a curse, and this curse falls upon someone very evidently based on his action. One of the greatest gifts for humankind can also be a fatal and devastating blow, ruining him if not honored the way it is supposed to be.